Wednesday September 14, 2005

A rather uneventful day here. Didn’t ride my bike again today because I still needed to pickup my guitar. I lead worship tonight. I like to spend some time going through and playing songs to make sure I can. I should practice often but I don’t. I also like to have some idea what I’m going to do. I always ask God. Most of the time He gives me some ideas. But today I only got two songs and they were in different keys. I wasn’t sure how I was going to pull that off nor did I know what else we were going to do. I know I can pick any song and they would all bring glory to Him but I always, you know, want to “get it right”. I just want the people to be able to enter into worship. Truth is I don’t have any control over that. It’s about the peoples' hearts and it’s about me worshiping in the midst as well. Being sensitive to what God wants to do through music. Well, things turned out just fine. As they usually do. God came through, the people worshiped and I don’t have to do it again for a month. One of these days I hope I get to the point I enjoy doing this. I would like to enjoy it if this is what He’s called me to do. Don’t misunderstand me. I love to worship. I love singing to Him and playing an instrument but leading worship is a whole other thing. The songs are getting increasingly difficult to play…I’m not all that good a guitarist…in fact I wouldn’t call myself a guitarist I call myself “someone who plays guitar”. I’m also not all that good a piano player either. Right now we have so many playing piano or keyboard, I have stepped down from playing piano on the team. Leading a team of people is also not very easy. Trying to communicate what you want to do when you're using both hands is hard for me. I don’t know why I got off on all that.

Doyle had to do his weird shift today. He went in at 7pm and will work until Thursday 7pm. Then he turns around and works Friday 7AM-Sat. 7AM. After that he should be on his usual work 24 hrs off 48 hrs.

 

Excerpt from my journal September 2003

You worry to much. You so want to "get it right". I really like that about you when you keep submitted before Me. A spirit of excellence I have put in you. But when you try to accomplish that on your own it becomes a form of "perfection" which you can never accomplish but that is an area where the enemy dangles the bait and sometimes you take it. You are learning his schemes though. The closer you get to Me the better your discernment of when the lie comes. You are more sensitive to My Spirit than you are aware of. Where do you think your ideas and desires come from?

 

Just remember to keep seeking Me. Don't worry about what you don't know. I'll give you what you need when you need it. Just submit yourself to Me.

 

By the way, have I told you lately that I love you!

 

do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hours what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you. Matthew 10:19-20 NKJV