Thursday September 08, 2005

My day started early with prayer at the church at 6:30am. Got home and waited for Doyle to come home. He wasn’t supposed to work yesterday but was called in because they were short handed and couldn’t get anyone else. He went in at 11am and worked till 7am today. He did show up about 7:50. We sat on the porch for a few minutes. We both came inside. I started breakfast when I went back to the bedroom and Doyle was in bed! So I finished cooking the bacon and quit. No point in making breakfast if he isn’t going to eat. I fixed me a cup of coffee and went back out on the porch to spend some time with the Lord in the nice cool morning (upper 60’s). Aw, fall is on the way! It was hard to stay focused as I had Mercy (our Great Dane) and Kaidence (Vanessa’s Blue Heeler) outside. They kept interrupting me. I was out there about 30 minutes when Doyle came outside. Someone had called him so he decided to get up.

Rode my bike to work and did the usual stuff. I had a little lull in my work and sent a MSN Message to my daughter. I had to ride her bike this morning as mine had a flat tire. I must have run over something on the way back from morning prayer because it still had air when I got home but when I got ready to go to work it was flat. Well, it dawned on me after the fact that I should have asked permission to ride it instead of just taking it. I told her I had it in case she didn’t notice it missing and apologized for taking it without asking. Doyle wanted all of us to go to lunch (me,Vanessa, Keannon and Doyle). We had Mexican food. It was nice. Vanessa and Keannon went back to work. Doyle and I went home.

I had to work at Drive Safe tonight. The lady who I work with opposite nights I do asked me to consider swapping my Friday nights for Thursdays for a couple of months. Something she wanted to do. I told her sure why not. So from now until the week before Thanksgiving I’ll be working every Thursday night. But that also means I get every Friday off! Not too bad!

Excerpt from my journal March 2001

 

Oh, Daddy, I am overwhelmed. I know it’s not about me or what I do. I don’t understand. I’m trying to be cooperative. I’m still not happy with me. I know what to do and yet I still seem to do the wrong thing. I feel like I need to go visit some people, spend time with You. Why can’t I rest in You?

 

You still think your significance is in what you do.

 

Do I really? I thought I had worked through that.

 

You know it intellectually. Just think about what you do and examine the motive behind why you do it. You feel responsible for people.

 

I thought You had orchestraed my involvement.

 

I did but not so you would be responsible. It will burn you out if you try to be responsible.

 

I’m not sure I understand.

 

Look up the word responsible and responsibility.

 

Responsible – expected or obliged to account (for something , to someone) answerable, accountable. Applies to one who has been delegated some duty or responsibility by one in authority and who is subject to penalty in case of default.

 

I think I understand. I’m only responsible if you have given me the responsibility.

 

That’s right.

 

So I’m not responsible for these people.

 

No

 

Wow! That’s a real load off.

 

Just the fact that you say “it’s a load off” means it was a burden I did not intend for you to carry. My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

 

I’m learning Daddy. I do so much want to be more and more like You. Like Jesus. Daddy, I love You. Thank you for loving me so much for caring for me so much.

 

It is My pleasure to give you the kingdom. My love no one can measure or fully understand. It is so vast. Even as the heavens and the oceans. My love for you My Child I am revealing to you more and more.

 

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children so the Lord has compassion on those who rear Him; for He knows we are formed He remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those who fear Him, and His righteousness with their children’s children with those who keep His covenant and remember to obey His precepts. Psalm 103:11-18 NIV.

Good night!