Wednesday September 07, 2005

Doyle (my husband) was on shift yesterday and came home this morning about 7:30AM I have been trying to get up when he gets home and have the coffee already made so we can visit a few minutes before I get ready and go to work.  Doyle said his sister called him to ask to borrow a pickup to move her son (our nephew) this weekend. He is attending UT in Austin. He said he told her sure. Then he said to me “I figured since we have three pickups we could do without one for the weekend. I said that’s fine but whose are you going to let her use? Well, she actually asked for mine because it’s not new like the other two. So today instead of riding my bike to work I drove my truck so I could get the oil changed, fueled up and washed.

I get to work and it’s the usual stuff. Check emails, answer the telephone, prepare checks for bills.  I’m on MSN and I am usually online when I’m at work. I noticed Vanessa (my daughter) online too and zipped her a question. I had learned from her dad that she and Keannon (her boyfriend) were making plans to go with friends to New Braunfels and float the Guadalupe River this weekend. This was the first I knew about it! She usually tells me things first. I was rather surprised! She wrote back saying they were going to but Keannon forgot he had to work and they didn’t really have the extra money to go. Then she started in talking heart to heart about some things. I feel bad for her. As a Mom I want to fix it but know that I can’t. She needs to learn how to work through this by calling on her Father God for help and hearing Him for herself. We chatted so long it made me late to leave work! Vanessa and I used to talk all the time but now that she is 20 (on the 25^th)  she doesn’t talk to me like she used to. I think it’s mostly the season of life she’s in. She’s learning to make her own decisions. I miss that…the talking. There are times when I want so desperately to ask her what’s bugging her but I won’t. I’m learning to wait and let her come to me so I won’t be prying. That is so hard! But I know it’s best.

After I leave the office I get the oil changed in the truck, then get fuel….a whopping $64  for 22 gallons of diesel! At least diesel is a little cheaper than gas but that’s not really saying a whole lot! I have a 30 gallon tank. Thank goodness it wasn’t more empty! Surprisingly enough I can drive over 400 miles on one tank. I get about 20 mpg on the highway. Of course most of my driving is in town so mileage isn’t as good. After the shock at the gas station I went to the car wash. The driveway I park in sits under a pecan tree so this time of year I get lots of sap and bird poop! I didn’t want my sister-in-law driving it to Austin looking like that! 

God, I need you to work a miracle in my heart today!

Excerpt from my journal March 2001

 

I love you Daddy. I want to know You more. I want to hear You more. I want to see You. Can I really see You? I have personally known people who have seen You? Why can’t I.

 

Your time has not yet come.

 

But I don’t understand what You mean by that?

 

There is a time for everything under the sun.

 

So why isn’t it my time yet?

 

You are close My Child. Patience. Please wait. My ways are perfect.

 

I know they are. I just want to experience more than what I have.

 

There is still work to do.

 

What does that have to do with me experiencing more of You?

 

If you were to experience more of Me before you are ready then all you would want to do is be with Me and not seek to save that which is lost.

 

Oh, Daddy, am I still that immature?

 

I do not show you your weakness that you correct or feel guilty about it. You don’t expect a 6 yr old to drive a car. I show you to keep your focus and dependence on Me. The only reason you accomplish anything or are successful in anything is because of Me in you.

 

…for without Me you can do nothing. (John 15:5b) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)