Talked to my dad today. He is doing so good. He called me while he was taking his walk. He’s walking twice a day up to 5 miles all together! That’s really good! He also said he is finally getting some appetite and starting to put weight on again. I forget when he goes back to the surgeon but for now he’s not to lift anything more than 10lbs. His voice was very strong and he was very upbeat. He said he preached today for the first time since he’s been sick.
Met with our family cell group tonight in a small town west of Mineral Wells. We had a good time of worship, prayer and fellowship afterward. On the way home the moon was just beginning to show. It is full tonight and it was so beautiful coming up with it’s golden color. It made me say “Oh, Daddy that is so beautiful! Thank You for allowing me to see it!”
Excerpt from my journal December 2003
I was reading something pastor had given us. It was an excerpt from the “Friends of the Bridegroom Newsletter” written by Mike Bickle called “What are you first: A worker or a lover?” It was powerful. Hit me between the eyes. I’m learning I’m not a good judge of my spiritual growth but I think I have become a worker first instead of a lover. I think I used to be a lover. Anyway, this article says if you’re a worker first, you’ll experience burn out. I think that’s me but I will ask You, am I a worker instead of a lover?
You are a worker and a lover but I want you to be a lover and a worker.
I knew it! What has happened to me? Why did I cease to be a lover first?
You didn’t understand the dry times. You don’t understand the dry season. You didn’t trust Me. You didn’t trust My love for you when you didn’t feel it. You compared yourself instead of looking to Me. You became disappointed all because you couldn’t understand. You couldn’t let it go and just trust me. You wanted to figure it out. Have it make sense. My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts. I AM God. You are not. Why does it have to “make sense to you”?
I don’t know….maybe because it makes it easier to believe.
That doesn’t require any faith. That doesn’t make you any different than anyone else. Will you only believe if you see? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.
I want to believe. I don’t want to be like Thomas but that’s where I seem to find myself. Hear myself saying “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
You’ve allowed your disappointments to cloud your spiritual vision. Would you quit putting Me in a box and let Me be who I AM?
I don’t want to put you in a box. How do I not do that?
Reacquaint yourself with Me. I think you have forgotten who I AM.
Really?! Have I fallen so far?
You are retrievable. You have misplaced your “awe” of who I AM. You have grown familiar.
How have I done that?
By letting yourself be exposed more to the world system than Me.
Oh, Father, I have sinned. Renew my love for You. Renew my “awe” of You. Please give me a revelation of who You are. Forgive me Lord. Thanks Dad for talking to me. I have heard and I choose to obey.
Psalm 33:8 Let all
the earth fear the Lord; Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him. NKJV
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