Got up when Doyle came in this morning from work. I just love coffee makers with timers. The coffee was ready and I got me and Doyle a cup and took it outside on the porch. It was really nice this morning upper sixties. We let the dogs do their “business” then came inside to make breakfast.
I folded some laundry, washed some laundry. Then decided to go to the scrapbook store. My friend was working today for the owner and invited me up to scrapbook while she was there. I got about 4 pages done. Came home and cooked supper. One of Doyle’s favorites, steak, baked potato, corn on the cob, ranch style beans, salad and rolls. Pretty good even if I do say so myself!
After supper decided to scrapbook some more. I am so close to finishing Vanessa’s Rodeo Album I can hardly stand it. I lack about 4 pages.
That’s all the excitement for today such as it is.
Excerpt from my journal December 2003
I don’t know what to do about tomorrow night. {It was my turn to lead worship} What music (songs) to do? Will this ever be fun again or should I quit?
Yes it will be fun again.
Cause it just doesn’t seem very fun right now. I stress out. Then it’s a relief when its over and I think “whew, I don’t have to do that again for a while.”
You’re looking at it wrong
Well how am I supposed to look at it?
Who are you doing it for?
I should say you but that’s not true. I’m doing it because Karen (the pastor’s wife and worship leader) asked me to lead once a month. I said yes because I felt like you told me I was supposed to lead.
Do it for
But why can’t I do that at home or in the congregation? Why do I have to lead?
Because I’ve chose you. You said yes and you have a heart of a worshiper.
Do I really Dad. I haven’t felt like I’ve been much of one lately.
I’m not using your measuring stick. I’m using Mine and what I see is a heart of a worshiper. People look at you, look to you and look up to you. Remember its not about your ability its about your availability. Its about the “yes” in your heart. Its about your desire for more of Me.
Ok. I know I can trust You. I know You tell me only the truth and I believe You. Will You give me direction with the songs before tomorrow night?
Yes. Have I ever let you down?
No but do you have to wait until the last minute?
Do things always have to be your way?
No. But can they be very once in a while?
Do you trust Me or not?
Yes, I trust You or at least I want to trust You.
Oh, My Precious Child. I am not out to harm you, belittle you or embarrass you. I am for you! I want the very best for you. I am not your earthly father nor do I act like him so quit treating Me like him.
You’re right but then You always are. Thank You for loving me, for caring for me, for having my best interests at heart. I want You to father me properly the way I need to be fathered. I want to trust You. I want to believe in You. Please reveal Yourself to me.
How can I say no to that…I want to do that! I will do that! Watch, wait, expect!
How do I be ready?
Look for Me in your time with Me, in your work, family, chores, church functions. I will give you eyes to see and recognize.
Ok. I’ll try. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak.
Yes, I know. I put you together. I know your strengths. I know your weakness. It is Me who gives you strength and enables you. Don’t forget that.
For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I
praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are
wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was
made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in
Your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16 NIV
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