Thursday, 29 September 2005

Well, just a quick post to let everyone know I will be out of pocket most of the weekend. I am so excited….Today was really good! The cold front came through! It was 61 this morning! The high was about 79! Great riding weather and I took full advantage of it! Even with my horse missing a shoe! I just rode him in the pasture so it wasn’t hard on him. It was a delight to just be with my buddy! I talked to the Lord and just enjoyed being in His creation and on His creation! It was really nice. The farrier comes Saturday to shoe so next time maybe I will take him somewhere besides round and round the pasture!

 

Tomorrow as soon as I can gather my scrapbooking supplies and my overnight bag I’ll be headed to the Scrapbook Retreat! It’s not a fancy one like some you may have read about. Just plain raw scrapbooking time! With an entire 6ft table to myself!!!! WOOHOO! Cathy (the owner of the Scrapbook store and one behind the retreat) said she would take us back to town to raid her store for more supplies around 11PM. That should be so much fun!!! Her husband is doing all the cooking and she is having some vendors out to show us some new things! Cathy calls them “ding-ding moments”. I’m spending Friday and Saturday night. I’m coming home Sunday morning for church and then Doyle and I have the Presbytery Sunday and Monday night! I’m sure I’ll be getting my Sunday afternoon nap in and of course have to catch some football!

 

So with all that said. I don’t know for sure when I’ll be back on. I’ll try to catch up as soon as I can. Hope everyone else has as great a weekend or better than me!

 

Gee, I’m getting to do all things I love, ride my horse, scrapbook and get a fresh word from God….doesn’t get much better than that!

 

Excerpt from my journal January 2003

 

Oh, Valerie, you are worried about so many things. Who are you trusting in or What are you trusting in?

 

I guess I’m obviously not trusting You or I wouldn’t be worried. That’s a good question. What am I trusting in? I guess I’d have to say I was trusting in my husband , myself and our ability.

 

Good answer. And can you with all confidence trust yourself or Doyle to get you through this?

 

No

 

Do you really want to waste your energy trying to figure out everything?

 

No

 

Then look at Me. Put your confidence in Me. Put your trust in Me. Put your HOPE in Me.

 

I know that I’m supposed to do that but I can’t seem to get my heart lined out to cooperate with what my head knows.

 

That’s not your job either. That’s Mine. I give you the easiest thing to do. Look at Me. Come to Me. Talk to Me. Every time you find yourself thinking about how to do it, how to figure it out. How’s it all going to work. Just call out to Me. Ask Me for help. It’s hard for you to ask for help isn’t it?

 

You know it is. You know everything. You just asked me that so I could hear myself.

 

To ask for help doesn’t mean you are weak or powerless. On the contrary. It takes lots of strength and courage to ask for help. I didn’t create you to be a loner. I created Eve because Adam was alone. Because everyone is different we need each other in order for all gifts and talents to be used. You can’t have a family with one person. It takes a woman and a man. Not one or the other.

 

That’s a really good point. Ok so all I have to “do” is when I begin to think about stuff and find myself trying to figure it out or work it out myself, I’m to call to you to help me?

 

That’s right. Pretty easy huh?!

 

Yeah. Almost too easy.

 

Remember “no sweat” ministry.

 

Ok I get it. Remind me though because you know how easily I forget.

 

That’s why I gave you My Holy Spirit.

 

But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:26-27 

Wednesday, 28 September 2005

Day 2 without my computer! I can still work on my newsletter and bulletin. Thank You Lord and I can check the churches email so not all is lost. The biggest thing is paying the bills and the database for church records. I should get a new computer next week. Then I get to put data back in. Oh joy! Can you hear the enthusiasm! (NOT!) I could have totally lost everything and I didn’t. So thank You again Lord.

I spent today getting ready for the scrapbooking retreat! I can hardly wait. It begins Friday and goes through Sunday at 4pm. I will leave Sunday morning. The nice thing is it’s only 15 miles away. So I probably won’t be online until Sunday and it may be Monday as I will probably be pooped and will nap Sunday afternoon. This weekend is the Presbytery so we will be at church Sunday night. Just so you know when you don’t see a new post for a few days. I’ll get back to everyone as soon as I can!

Ahhhh!!! The cold front has finally moved through! Don’t be deceived because it’s NOT cold. Just cooler. Temps tomorrow are supposed to be in the upper 70’s. After being 100 AGAIN today that is a very pleasant change! WOOHOO! I’m going to ride my horse!!!!!! And I have to work tomorrow night so I may not post tomorrow either.

Well that’s about it for today!

Excerpt from my journal November 2002

All I know to do is keep plugging along. Giving You what little I have and trusting You to do something with it.

 Give Me your little and I’ll give you My lot. Give Me your everything and I’ll give you My everything.

Are You sure? That is way out of balance. It seems to me You’re being “short changed” or getting the “short end”.

That’s worldly thinking. You have to think in heavenly terms. Heavenly things do not make human sense but they do make Godly sense.

I so need my mind renewed. I think earthly most of the time. Lord how can I be in tune with Your spirit when we’re not on the same “wave length”.

 That requires more time in the secret place.

I know. I’ve been trying.

 

No, you’ve been striving. What you’ve done today is trying. When you try you make an effort whether you succeed or fail. When you strive, you are determined (teeth gritted) to do that “thing” successfully. Your “trying” I will receive and bless and multiple. Your striving I won’t because it is flesh, it is law and it is death. Relax, cease striving. I love you. I love the time we spend no matter how much or how little. I am working in you to accomplish My purposes. Don’t worry, don’t fret, your progress isn’t your responsibility. It’s Mine. Rest in that. I want you to have joy My Child. I want you to be happy again. Give your cares to Me. You have made so much progress. You are maturing and turning into a beautiful bride just as my church. If you only knew what the coming days were like. You would not believe. Enjoy where you are be content where you are right now. Everything in your journey is important to experience and remember. There are others who will struggle with the same thing and will need encouragement to keep on even as you have received encouragement. My Daughter I do not condemn you, so please do not condemn yourself. That makes Me very sad. There is very good stuff inside of you. Stuff I have put there and stuff you will share with others. You will bring forth fruit. I promise. You will see the harvest. I promise. You will be part of that harvest. I promise. You will see great things. I promise but most of all, I will be with you no matter what…I promise.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through Him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 2 Corinthians 1:20 NIV

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is My word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. Isaiah 55:11 NIV 

Tuesday, 27 September 2005

Another very hot day! I feel for those in the hurricane-damaged area who are still without electricity. It’s as hot there temperature wise but the humidity must be horrendous! It was still 100 degrees here at 5pm! There is hope on the way. Weather forecasters are saying a cold front is on the way and will bring our temps back down to normal. Thank you Lord. We need some relief!!

 

I am grieving the loss of my computer at work. It died yesterday! I came into work this morning and discovered it was off. That was strange as I had left it on yesterday for my weekly Norton Anti-Virus check. I was mumbling under my breath about my boss turning it off as I turn it back on. I hear strange noises coming from my computer. I think to myself “that’s not normal”. All I get is a black screen with the words “operating system not found”. WHAT!!!! Then the phone rings. It’s Pastor. He says “how ya doin”. My first response was “okay”. Then I said “well, not really. I think my computer died.” He said “ya, it died yesterday.” He told me he was in his office when he heard a loud noise. At first he thought it was outside then he realized it was inside the office and tracked it down to my computer. That’s why he shut it off. He told me to take it to the computer store to see if anything could be done. I did. The guy told me “You’re hard drive is shot.” I asked if he could retrieve any data. He said he doubted it but he would give it a try. I went back to the office pleading with God to let him be able to retrieve my data. Unfortunately, I have backed up some programs but not very recently and my document files I’ve not backed up at all!!!! Thirty minutes later he calls with the sad news that it’s a loss cause! I am really bummed to put it lightly! Everything I do is on the computer! Church financial records, church family records, the bulletin, the newsletter (which by the way was supposed to go out today…that didn’t happen)! Church email! I can go on but I think you get the point! The only thing I can do that I don’t do on the computer is make out the bank deposit!

Thankfully there is another computer in the office that is available for people in the church to use in the other part of the office. I can at least get the bulletin and newsletter done this week. I had saved the bulletin and newsletter format on a CD so I didn’t have to build those from scratch but all the work I had done previous was all lost. (Sigh). Pastor did say he was going to buy me a new computer but that doesn’t help me right now! I can’t even tell how much money is in the church’s account! UGH!! I shouldn’t be surprised that this happened when the Presbytery service is this coming weekend. Father God, it doesn’t matter if I don’t have a computer, or that I didn’t back up my files as I should have You are still God, You are still good and I know that through all of this You are conforming me to the image of Your Son in whom You love. Thank You that You won’t stop until that is accomplished. Here I am. Have Your way in me!

Excerpt from my journal October 2002

I don’t like me very much.

 

And who made you the judge?

 

I did

 

You’re not qualified to be your own judge.

 

I know that and I don’t want to be I’m just…I don’t know how not to.

 

You start by looking to Me. Coming to Me and asking what I think. What I think is all that really matters. I AM the Author and Finisher. Will I not complete what I’ve started? Have I not said it? Will I not do it? Am I a man that I should lie?  Is anything to hard for Me?

 

No Lord. Nothing is too hard for You. No You never lie. You always tell the truth because You are the truth. If You say You will do something You will do it. You are not a quitter. You always finish what you start. You are the Creator of all things…me included. You didn’t make me wrong. Sin has broken and spoiled me. I do need You because my way of doing things is pretty pathetic. Plus they don’t work. Father I confess that I overeat and I eat for comfort instead of coming to You. I play computer games to comfort myself instead of coming to You. I confess I’ve been focusing on my problems instead of You the problem solver. I’ve been trying to do things myself instead of relying on You.

 

All is forgiven My Child. Now watch Me work. You can come alongside Me. That’s how You learn My ways. Then when You know My ways, you will be better equipped to help Me. I am looking forward to this. Working with My Daughter beside Me. I can’t think of anything better.

Jeremiah 32:17 'Ah, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for You.

Jeremiah 32:27"Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh. Is there anything too hard for Me?

Hebrews 12:2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Isaiah 43:10-11 You are my witnesses, declares the Lord, and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe Me and understand that I AM He, before Me no god was formed, nor will there be one after Me. I, even I, AM the Lord, and apart from Me there is no savior.

Monday, 26 September 2005

Not much happened today…more boring than usual. After work went to the vet’s office to buy our Great Dane’s food. We finally have her on something she will eat and isn’t allergic too but I can only purchase it through the vet. I came home and promptly got horizontal on the couch and stayed there until 4pm! This has got to stop! I won’t get anything done this way. I just didn’t feel good today…I had a little bit of a sinus headache. Something has been making me sneeze. Not the little cute sneezes but the ACHOOOO! Sneezes! The ones that scare people and would blow your head off if you tried to stop it.

 

I had to work at Drive Safe tonight. UGH! I think the grace to work there is running out. I could probably quit now except I like being able to put a little money back. That will disappear if I quit now. With Christmas not far away I’d like to have that extra money. I’m trying to hear what God would have me do.  I just feel like I have no control over my life. Can’t go ride because I have to go to work. Can’t go to my niece’s volleyball games because “I have to work”! Enough of my complaining.

 

Excerpt from my journal October 2002

 

Oh, My Precious One. If only you could see what I see and one day you will have a glimpse but for now I’m still preparing you in the secret place. I know it seems you’ve been there awhile and it seems as though nothing is happening. Do you suppose the caterpillar who is in the cocoon feels the same way? He can’t see himself changing but he does know something is taking place. And deep in your spirit man you know it too. Enjoy your journey. Quit looking ahead at the next milepost. The “something” you’re looking for isn’t down the road. It’s here and it’s now. The treasure is right before your eyes. You didn’t see it before because it looked so “ordinary” that you thought “it couldn’t be God.” But it is Me! I am even now opening your eyes to see not only physically in this earthly realm but also spiritually in the spirit realm. You have heard My call and are ready for My orders. My strategy for warring in prayer for this city and for the body of Christ, My Church.

 

If any man be in Christ he is a new creation. Old things are passed away, all things become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Sunday, 25 September 2005

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven’t posted for a couple of days. I’ve been busy! I was scrapbooked most of the day Friday. Right after work I went to the scrapbook store and cropped the afternoon then went to my Creative Memory Consultant’s house. I was in and out of the house just long enough to trade out supplies and didn’t get home until 12:30AM. My mom came with me and got a chance to visit with people she knew from the days my dad was pastor of the church there.

 

Doyle and Keannon got off to the men’s retreat Friday morning. Going to play golf before heading on to the retreat site. I’ve been praying that they encounter God in a powerful way while they are gone.

 

Saturday when I got up the first thing I did was get the update on hurricane Rita. Houston was spared.  Since the hurricane went east of Houston, Mother decided to go home. First we went shopping and bought Vanessa gifts for her birthday then when we returned to the house she packed up and headed out. She left at noon. Evidently some others from that area decided to do the same thing. She went the back roads again going home but about two hours out of Houston she got in a traffic jam. She followed a “hunch” (most likely a prompting from the Holy Spirit) and followed a man on a motorcycle who took her around the traffic jam and to the road she needed! The five-hour trip still took her 7 ½ hours. She said everything appeared to be okay and she had electricity. Didn’t get to talk to her long as she was getting beeped she had another call.

 

I am concerned that if this scenario should develop again not as many people will heed the warning next time.  I don’t know if I would have convinced my mother to come when she did if her office building hadn’t closed down! We unfortunately didn’t get any rain as I had hoped out of this system. It stayed east of Dallas. We did get some wind….nothing  more than one might get on a blustery fall day.

 

After Mom left I called my friend and cell group member Jean. Do you remember me telling you about another cell member I have that because of Diabetes was having a lot of trouble with her foot. She had broke it and had surgery to repair. Because she had no family here to take care of her she temporarily went to a nursing home as she wasn’t to put any weight on that foot for two months. Her name is Sherri. I called Jean to go with me to Sherri’s apartment to tidy and freshen up her apartment. She still had dishes in the sink, trash that need taken out and laundry to do. Sherri may get to come home Tuesday after she sees the doctor. She is currently able to get around with a walker putting light weight on her foot.

 

Jean and I then went to the Scrapbook store to buy a gift certificate for a dear friend and former neighbor Ginger. Her birthday was yesterday. She is saving for a cruise that her family is planning on taking over Christmas so she hasn’t been able to crop much lately.

 

By the time I took Jean home and got home myself I didn’t have long before I had to go to work at Drive Safe.

 

I got home from work and started making Vanessa’s birthday cake. Doyle hadn’t made it in yet. I continued to wash and fold more of Sherri’s laundry. She had been off her foot so long she had about 5 loads! I wished she had said something. I didn’t even think about it. Anyway, her laundry will be done when she does come home. I also wrapped the gifts I got for Vanessa and put in her room. Since she went to spend the weekend with a friend she wasn’t home and wouldn’t be until today so I wrote Happy Birthday Punkin! Love Mom on her mirror with lipstick! She thought that was funny!

 

Doyle got home about 11:45PM. We talked about the retreat. Some really good things happened there. I think all the guys got something. I think I will learn more in the days ahead. It takes men longer to process and talk about those type of things. They had a total of 17 guys which is a pretty good group for us!

 

As you can see today is my daughter’s birthday! So wanted everyone to know. After church we took her out to eat for her birthday. We drove to Weatherford (a neighboring town 18 miles away) to eat at “On the Border”. We then came home and all of us took naps. Tried to watch the football game but wasn’t too exciting. I did get to see the best part in the last two minutes when the Cowboys pulled it out and won 34 to 31! Go Boys!

Thursday, 22 September 2005

UPDATE:

Mom finally made it in around 7:30pm. What would typically take her 5 hours to make took her 13 1/2!! She was one pooped girl! But she is here and she's safe!

She went to bed around 9PM so haven't talked to her myself. Thank you for all your prayers and words of concern....continue to pray for those still trying to leave and those...who sadly enough....chose to stay.

 

**************************************************************

 

Since some many of you have asked about my mom and I have to work tonight I decided to post early. I was hoping to tell you she was already here but she is still in her car trying to get her. Here’s the chain of events.

 

Mom called me at 7AM while I was at morning prayer. She had left her apartment at 6AM. She took the back roads from where she lives and traffic was still very congested. It took her an hour to travel 15 miles! She said traffic was moving about 5 MPH! She said “I should have left last night”. I agreed, that’s what we wanted her to do all along. I think it finally began to sink in just what could possibly happen as she said “I couldn’t decide what to pack. I decided it was just stuff and I’m going to trust God with it and I locked the door.”  I know this must be hard to leave and not know what might happen or what to expect when you come back! I know the people in Louisianna and Mississippi must have dealt with the same thing, those who did choose to evacuate. Hits a little closer to home when you personally know the people affected.

 

She called me again around 10AM and it had taken her three hours to drive 50 miles! She did say that traffic was getting better and was moving faster about 55 MPH. I told her we were praying for her and we did in morning prayer. We prayed for not only her but all those trying to evacuate and all those staying. We cried out to God for mercy and for Him to have His way in the midst of this. It will take her at least 4 more hours to get here provided she can drive the speed limit! This trip typically takes her about 5 hours total and it usually wears her out! But as you have seen from the reports on TV the interstates are grid-locked! Thank goodness she chose to leave the area a less traveled way though obviously not unknown!

 

Doyle called and got through to her around 4PM. She was 10 miles out of Waco which is still about 2 ½ hours from us. I have to work at Drive Safe so won’t be here when she arrives. She has been in the car since 6AM!

I’ll update when I get home this evening.

Wednesday, 21 September 2005

Wednesday, 21 September 2005

Well this has been a rather exciting day…in the sense that I’ve been glued to the TV watching the progress of Hurricane Rita. I called my mother again this morning. She still didn’t seemed too concerned. I called my brother and he agreed with me she needed to come up here. Vanessa called her but got her voice mail at work but she did leave a message. I got home and I learned that Rita had become a category 5! I told Doyle about what my mother said. He said “maybe she will listen to her son-in-law”. He tried to call her on all three numbers but all the circuits were busy. I finally got through to her. She told me she was leaving tomorrow morning! Thank you Lord! I’ll feel much better when she actually gets here.  My dear sweet husband called her tonight before church and told her to head out as early as possible!

Not much else going on. Hurricane Rita is the topic of every conversation. I’m sure you already are but please pray….this could be as devastating or more so than Katrina if God does not intervene. Thankfully because of Katrina many people have evacuated ahead of the storm. The local weather forecasters are saying that we could have up to 60 MPH winds from Rita here where we live and we are about 400 miles away from the gulf!

Excerpt from my journal June 2002

 

Oh, My Child. O My Precious Daughter. You are so lovely. You are so beautiful to Me. You bring Me great delight and I won’t contain it. I will shout it from the mountain tops, “Look at My Daughter. See how her heart is for Me. How she causes great emotion to be stirred within Me.” You bring Me such joy in your desire to please Me. I am deeply moved and I want to move heaven and earth just for you but I do restrain Myself for your good. There will come a time I will move heaven and earth on your behalf but not yet. I love being with you. Keep coming. I am preparing you to receive My secrets. My treasures. Precious things. I’m preparing you for a new level of ministry. This has and is preparation time. Don’t despise this time. This time of preparation is very crucial for the next phase of your journey. Don’t fret over your seemingly minstryless life. There is plenty of time for that. Use your time wisely. Spend time with Me in My word, in worship. The days of leisure will not always be. There is a season of work to come. The harvest will be work. Long hours, long days, long nights and there will be joy at the fruit of your labor but you will also miss these moments you are having now. Enjoy where you are at every point. I will be with you. I will always be with you. Don’t forget the Source of your ability, your strength, your power. Don’t forget where to get recharged and don’t forget to plug in. Exciting days are ahead for you and Doyle. Don’t forget who you are and where you came from. Great and mighty things I’m going to do in the midst of you and Doyle. Fasten your seat belt. You are in for the ride of your life! Do not fear. I will be with you and will uphold you with My righteous right hand. People will be totally amazed at your power. Be careful to not fall into the enemy’s trap of pride. Remember your source. Remember, always remember, how much I love you.

 
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. Isaiah 49:15-16 NIV

Tuesday September 20, 2005

I felt pretty silly today.  I told you that Doyle and I are preparing ourselves spiritually for a Presbytery service in October. As candidates we were asked do some type of fast and praying at least 15 minutes a day for that event. I had been struggling with the fasting issue and taking time to be with God. I can’t seem to find a place at home that I’m not interrupted unless I get up at the crack of dawn or stay up later than everyone else. If it’s not the people at my house, it’s the animals clamoring for my attention. So today I made up my mind that before I left work I would go next door to the sanctuary. Well I look at my clock and began to shut down my computer called Doyle to tell him what I was going to do and locked the front door of the church. Pastor hadn’t made it in yet. I went to the church and began praying when I heard a car door shut and the sound of a horn as someone made sure their vehicle was locked. I looked out the window to see it was my pastor. I looked at my watch and it was only 11:45am! Earlier I thought it said 12:30! I quickly ran back over to the office. Pastor had already come in. I began explaining what happened. I felt so silly! He didn’t mind. I was the one who was horrified that I had misread the time! Anyway, I finished up in the office again and went back to the sanctuary to finish were I left off with God. It was a good time. After I got through I decided I needed to talk to my pastor’s wife. I wanted her to pray for me. She is the intern Administrator for our Christian school. She spent some time encouraging me and praying for me. I definitely felt better about things after I left.

Fixed supper tonight since I had Praise Team Practice. Fixed a casserole dish that I got from my mother-in-law called Tomato Beef Casserole. It’s basically macaroni, ground beef with whole canned tomatoes and velveeta cheese. I also fixed English Peas and Greenbeans (Keannon doesn’t like peas), salad and hot rolls. It’s a very easy dish to fix. In fact I don’t even put it in the oven but fix it on to of the stove.

At practice we didn’t learn anything new. Worked on the last two or three songs we have learned to get them a little better polished instrumentally and vocally. The songs we worked on are Beautiful One, On My Lips and Overtaken.

Got home about 8:30pm. Doyle wanted to go to Walmart to get stuff for the Men’s Retreat this weekend. We spent 2 hours! He was getting things for the team building exercises they will be doing and some give away items. He only has today and tomorrow to finish up any loose ends as he is on duty on Thursday.

He and those who like to play golf will leave early Friday morning to play a game   before going on to the retreat site.

Looks like Rita could be a very serious threat to my neck of the woods. I'm going to call my mother again tomorrow to urge her to come up here. Vanessa evidently just heard the news about Rita and called me almost in a panic asking if I had talked to Grandma. I said "Yes". She said "Is she coming up here." I said "No". She said "why not?" I said "because it's too early". She said "Well, she doesn't need to wait until the last minute!" I told her I would call tomorrow and if she wasn't coming, I'd talk to my brother who could convince her better than me and then I told her or you can call her". She just might do it for her grandaughter!

My mother actually lives north of Houston but as far as I'm concerned after what I saw Katrina do she's too close to the ocean. Houston is only about 90 miles from the gulf.

So if you're reading this Mom take a hint and GET OUT OF DODGE! So you burn a few vacation days big deal! You're more important than money!

Okay enough of that. I need to quit for the night and get to bed.

Monday September 19, 2005

I had to go to a planning meeting for an upcoming baby shower. I dislike being a part of those things so bad! But this shower is for my dear friend’s daughter-in-law so felt like I needed to be a part. I avoid these things at all cost! I don’t know why I dislike them so bad but I do. Them and wedding showers…any kind of showers! I don’t mind doing whatever you ask me but don’t ask me to plan and decorate for it!

Saw the weather forecast at 5pm and noticed that there are two more systems one a hurricane and one a tropical storm. The hurricane will probably not affect land but the tropical storm is expected to intensify and become a hurricane possibly by tonight. They are calling it “Rita”. If it stays on the predicted path it could hit the Texas coast. Of course it is still too early to tell but my mother lives in Houston which will be in the path of Rita. I called her today and asked if she had a plan of action. I think she thought I was kidding and said “yeah, I’m going to stay here.” I said “You’re only a 100 miles from the coast. Didn’t you see what Katrina did?” She then reassured me that she was watching the weather. I don’t want anyone to get damage but we could sure use the rain it could bring! We are behind 8 to 10 inches for the year.

Excerpt from my journal February 2002

 

Show me Your ways

 

My ways I will make known to you. You have asked a good thing. And I am honored to answer your request. Oh, My Daughter, how I love you. How I long for you to embrace My love and one day you will but first there is much needed surgery to heal the wounds that keep you from trusting, from believing the depth of My love. It’s a well that I placed in you at the time of your creation. The hurts in your life, from sin in you, in others has slowly but gradually filled up your well until it was stopped but his well I’ve placed in you is not filled by outward sources. It is filled form within. From an underground spring, the spring of life, My spirit in you. The surgery, the construction will open the well so others can drink from the clear, cool, sweet, life-giving water. I will cause the underground spring to flow more. The pressure from this life giving water will force out what has kept it stopped up and it will flow out touching many. You will not even be aware of all who are affected by the living water that flows from you. The flow can be stopped. Keep your heart soft and pliable before Me. Don’t forget who formed you or where the spring came from. Or who built the well and you will do even greater works than these. Come closer My Beloved. I long for you so much that I ache. I groan within to be near you. Do not fear. Embrace My presence. You are so beautiful to Me, so lovely.

 

Oh, Daddy, thank You. Thank You so much. I love You and I want You. I’m ready. Do what You need to do. I’m  Yours.

Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him. John 7:38 NIV

Sunday September 18, 2005

Talked to my dad today. He is doing so good. He called me while he was taking his walk. He’s walking twice a day up to 5 miles all together! That’s really good! He also said he is finally getting some appetite and starting to put weight on again. I forget when he goes back to the surgeon but for now he’s not to lift anything more than 10lbs. His voice was very strong and he was very upbeat. He said he preached today for the first time since he’s been sick.

Met with our family cell group tonight in a small town west of Mineral Wells. We had a good time of worship, prayer and fellowship afterward. On the way home the moon was just beginning to show. It is full tonight and it was so beautiful coming up with it’s golden color. It made me say “Oh, Daddy that is so beautiful! Thank You for allowing me to see it!”

Excerpt from my journal December 2003

 

I was reading something pastor had given us. It was an excerpt from the “Friends of the Bridegroom Newsletter” written by Mike Bickle called “What are you first: A worker or a lover?” It was powerful. Hit me between the eyes. I’m learning I’m not a good judge of my spiritual growth but I think I have become a worker first instead of a lover. I think I used to be a lover. Anyway, this article says if you’re a worker first, you’ll experience burn out. I think that’s me but I will ask You, am I a worker instead of a lover?

 

You are a worker and a lover but I want you to be a lover and a worker.

 

I knew it! What has happened to me? Why did I cease to be a lover first?

 

You didn’t understand the dry times. You don’t understand the dry season. You didn’t trust Me. You didn’t trust My love for you when you didn’t feel it. You compared yourself instead of looking to Me. You became disappointed all because you couldn’t understand. You couldn’t let it go and just trust me. You wanted to figure it out. Have it make sense. My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts. I AM God. You are not. Why does it have to “make sense to you”?

 

I don’t know….maybe because it makes it easier to believe.

 

That doesn’t require any faith. That doesn’t make you any different than anyone else. Will you only believe if you see? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.

 

I want to believe. I don’t want to be like Thomas but that’s where I seem to find myself. Hear myself saying “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

 

You’ve allowed your disappointments to cloud your spiritual vision. Would you quit putting Me in a box and let Me be who I AM?

 

I don’t want to put you in a box. How do I not do that?

 

Reacquaint yourself with Me. I think you have forgotten who I AM.

 

Really?! Have I fallen so far?

 

You are retrievable. You have misplaced your “awe” of who I AM. You have grown familiar.

 

How have I done that?

 

By letting yourself be exposed more to the world system than Me.

 

Oh, Father, I have sinned. Renew my love for You. Renew my “awe” of You. Please give me a revelation of who You are. Forgive me Lord. Thanks Dad for talking to me. I have heard and I choose to obey.

 
Psalm 33:8 Let all the earth fear the Lord; Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him. NKJV

Saturday September 17, 2005

Got up when Doyle came in this morning from work. I just love coffee makers with timers. The coffee was ready and I got me and Doyle a cup and took it outside on the porch. It was really nice this morning upper sixties. We let the dogs do their “business” then came inside to make breakfast.

I folded some laundry, washed some laundry. Then decided to go to the scrapbook store. My friend was working today for the owner and invited me up to scrapbook while she was there. I got about 4 pages done. Came home and cooked supper. One of Doyle’s favorites, steak, baked potato, corn on the cob, ranch style beans, salad and rolls. Pretty good even if I do say so myself!

After supper decided to scrapbook some more. I am so close to finishing Vanessa’s Rodeo Album I can hardly stand it. I lack about 4 pages.

That’s all the excitement for today such as it is.

Excerpt from my journal December 2003

 

I don’t know what to do about tomorrow night. {It was my turn to lead worship} What music (songs) to do? Will this ever be fun again or should I quit?

 

Yes it will be fun again.

 

Cause it just doesn’t seem very fun right now. I stress out. Then it’s a relief when its over and I think “whew, I don’t have to do that again for a while.”

 

You’re looking at it wrong

 

Well how am I supposed to look at it?

 

Who are you doing it for?

 

I should say you but that’s not true. I’m doing it because Karen (the pastor’s wife and worship leader) asked me to lead once a month. I said yes because I felt like you told me I was supposed to lead.

 

Do it for Me. Don’t think about the people, Kirk (the pastor), Karen or anyone or anybody else. Just worship Me.

 

But why can’t I do that at home or in the congregation? Why do I have to lead?

 

Because I’ve chose you. You said yes and you have a heart of a worshiper.

 

Do I really Dad. I haven’t felt like I’ve been much of one lately.

 

I’m not using your measuring stick. I’m using Mine and what I see is a heart of a worshiper. People look at you, look to you and look up to you. Remember its not about your ability its about your availability. Its about the “yes” in your heart. Its about your desire for more of Me.

 

Ok. I know I can trust You. I know You tell me only the truth and I believe You. Will You give me direction with the songs before tomorrow night?

 

Yes. Have I ever let you down?

 

No but do you have to wait until the last minute?

 

Do things always have to be your way?

 

No. But can they be very once in a while?

 

Do you trust Me or not?

 

Yes, I trust You or at least I want to trust You.

 

Oh, My Precious Child. I am not out to harm you, belittle you or embarrass you. I am for you! I want the very best for you. I am not your earthly father nor do I act like him so quit treating Me like him.

 

You’re right but then You always are. Thank You for loving me, for caring for me, for having my best interests at heart. I want You to father me properly the way I need to be fathered. I want to trust You. I want to believe in You. Please reveal Yourself to me.

 

How can I say no to that…I want to do that! I will do that! Watch, wait, expect!

 

How do I be ready?

 

Look for Me in your time with Me, in your work, family, chores, church functions. I will give you eyes to see and recognize.

 

Ok. I’ll try. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak.

 

Yes, I know. I put you together. I know your strengths. I know your weakness. It is Me who gives you strength and enables you.  Don’t forget that.

For You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16 NIV

Friday September 16, 2005

 The weather gave us a sampling of what we can look forward to when fall finally does arrive. It was upper 60’s this morning and stayed overcast  and in the 80’s most of the day. The clouds did break around mid afternoon and I think we did hit 90 but it was pleasant before that.

Decided I felt like a Subway sandwich for lunch and needed to return some bras I bought a month ago from our Factory outlet store. I should have tried them on in the store but I was a wuss and waited until I got home. Of course, they didn’t fit. I’m just now getting around to taking them back. The Subway is nearly next door to the outlet mall. While I was there I saw my veterinarian and his family. I also saw one of my cell members who works there now. Ate my sandwich (which was chicken bacon ranch on a 6 inch honey oat wheat bread toasted with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, spinach, black olives topped with chipolte dressing um um good!)  Went to the outlet mall

Did the “grocery run” today. I’m sure most of ya’ll know that means not only edible items but also household so that meant a trip to our new Super Center Walmart. It took me 2 ½ hours to shop! You’d of thought I was living in the days when you only came to town once a month in the covered wagon to be your supplies the way I bought today! I was determined though to keep everything in one buggy! It’s one thing to get it in there the first time. It’s a whole other thing to take everything out to be scanned and bagged and put back in the buggy! By golly I did it though! I didn’t buy milk there as I knew I could get it 20 scents cheaper at the CVS just down the road from Walmart on my way home. I also didn't buy eggs there as I had been buying my eggs much cheaper at Braum’s which is also on my way home. Well, not today they weren’t cheaper! They went up almost 30 scents from when I bought them last time! So I paid about 12 scents more a dozen than I would have at Walmart but I wasn’t going to turn around and go back! I’ll know next time.

That always seems to happen to me. Just when I think I can save a little money…I get proved wrong! Sometimes it’s just not worth it to “shop around”.

Now I not only put all that stuff in my basket and put my stuff in the basket again after the cashier scanned and bagged it but I had to load it into my truck. Thankfully this very nice young man asked if I needed help (the ole’ “Miss Independent, I-can-do-it-myself”) said “if you want to” (Am I out of my mind! – probably- this pride has got to die!) He said “sure”. So he helped me finish putting bags in the truck. Now I still have to go home and unload everything….carry it into the house and then find some place to put it! Why didn’t I do this on a day that Doyle was home and could help? What was I thinking? Well, I was thinking I got paid today and I didn’t want to do it on Saturday when everyone else goes shopping!

Well, I get home and let the dogs out and proceed to carry in my purchases. I must have made a gazillion trips! (Maybe a slight exaggeration – but it FELT LIKE IT!) I finally get everything inside. Now to put it away. UGH! I was pooped by the time I was through! I finished in time to iron a shirt for Keannon so he and Vanessa could go somewhere and then I was off again to go watch my nephew play football.

Great night for football. It actually got just cool enough I needed something on my shoulders to keep me from chilling. It was a rather lopsided game. Our team won 59 – 24. Got a chance to visit a little with my brother and sister-in-law. My brother was filming the game so I only got to talk to him at half time and after the game. My niece is the school mascot. I just found that out tonight. She did real good. They are the Perrin Pirates. She wears this huge pirate head! Found out my brother and family are making plans to go see Dad over Thanksgiving. I was kind of thinking maybe around Christmas or even when he is ready to have surgery again. I need to tell Doyle and get his input. Thanksgiving would probably be better. Then, I'm not sure if all of us being there at once is a good idea. There's 5 in my brother's family and I figure this time Keannon and Doyle will be on this trip which makes 4 of us. Nine people is a lot extra to have. Again I have this "dog problem" what do I do with them. I wouldn't mind kenneling Kaidence (the blue heeler) but Mercy (the great dane) is a whole other issue. Not to mention the cost of them being kenneled. Sorry ya'll, I'm thinking out loud. I'll move on.

Excerpt from my journal November 2003

Dad, why has my desire for praying for others, for this city, for my family diminished? I've asked You to give me a heart of intercession. I've asked you to break my heart for the people. I've asked You to let me see what You see, feel what You feel, hear what You hear but it seems that the opposite has happened. It seems as though you haven't answered my prayer and that's contrary to what I believe about You. That You hear and You answer, so what's up? Is the problem me? I know the problem isn't You. Is there something in my life keeping me from receiving Your answer? I've even asked You to make me hungry and thirsty for You. Make Me desperate for You but that doesn't seem to be either. Am I actually in a "waiting mode"? Am I to do anything different? I'm trying to seek You the only way I know how so if there's another way I should be seeking You I'm all ears.

Oh, Little One. Precious delightful adorable Little One. Lighten up! Why do you put so much pressure on yourself? I know the answer....do you?

Well, I guess it's because I want to "get it right". I don't want to miss You. I'm so afraid of missing what You have for me. I'm afraid I can do something to keep myself from going farther with You.

Do you realize what you have just said?

There's a lot of "I's" in there. I guess that does sound a little silly that little ole' me could stop God Almighty from accomplishing His plan in me.

Ya. If it were up to you, yes, you could miss it. But it's not up to you. It's up to Me and I think I'm up for the task. Your biggest enemy right now is "fear". Fear of failure, fear of disappointment, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of lack, fear of conflict...lots of fear. Bring it to me Little One. Give it to Me and after you give it to Me, trust Me. Quit thinking about it. When you think about it, remind yourself and your enemy, Who you gave it to. I cause the sun to rise every morning and set every evening. This is not hard for Me.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 NIV

Thursday September 15, 2005

Didn’t ride my bike again today. Had to follow my daughter to the body shop to leave her truck and take her to work.

 

Went and had lunch at Baris today to see my friend Nancy. If you remember she is the one I made the horse scrapbook for. Had a good visit and great food. Needless to say it’s not very “diet friendly.”I was there for an hour and a half.  Started some laundry, washed some dishes and got my saddle out of the garage and brought it in the house to put leather lubricate on it. Wasn’t long before I had to go to work.

 

I intended to take my comforter to the laundry mat to wash since it’s too big for my washer and then promptly forgot the soap (minor irritation). After I got home from work I brought the comforter back inside to put back on the bed cause I didn’t have anything else to put on there (minor irritation). Vanessa’s dog who is very spastic when she gets excited and it doesn’t take much to get her excited. She also “leaks” when she gets excited, or is scared, or is in trouble, well I guess she doesn’t have to have a reason she just does it. Well she is excited that I am home because even though she’s not my dog I am the one who spends the most time with her. Well, I was trying to put the comforter back on the bed and Kaidence comes running down the hall chasing the cat (Speedy) which is very typical. Well, Speedy jumps in the middle of my bed to escape while I’m trying to put the comforter back on the bed.  Kaidence follows. I shoo them both of the bed. As she gets off I realized she has “weedled” (as Vanessa calls it) on the bed (major irritation) Now I have to quickly strip the bed and remake it! UGH!!!! If you can’t tell now…I’m thoroughly irritated! I’m glad tomorrow is another day. Hopefully things will be a bit different.

 

Excerpt from my journal November 2003

 

Daddy do whatever You must do in me. I say yes to Your will and Your way. I want my thoughts to be Your thoughts. My ways, Your ways. Help me get unstuck – please. I need to hear You.

 

You are not as far off as you think. Come to Me My Child. Climb in Daddy’s lap. Your fretting and worrying has made you weary. Come My Daughter. Come sit with Me a while and let Me sing over you. Songs of refreshing, soothing, restoring. Remember I am the author and finisher of your faith. I always finish what I start so do not fear. You are a “work in progress”. You get so hung up on physical time. Relax. You are a spirit being and you have eternity. You are learning to trust Me more. You are becoming more dependent on Me. You don’t stray far from Me anymore. You are learning to stay close. That’s good. Yes, there is uncertainty, but remember I have your best interests at heart. I know what you will like and enjoy more than you. So you’re 43. Big deal! That’s nothing in My kingdom. You’re just getting going good right now. Quit looking at the clock and calendar. Look at Me. I can make time stand still if I need to. Remember? Trust Me. I do know what I’m doing. That should be great comfort to you.

 

It is. Thank You for reminding me.

 

Remember. I’m really big!

 
For you, a thousand years are as yesterday! Psalm 90:4 NLT

 

Wednesday September 14, 2005

A rather uneventful day here. Didn’t ride my bike again today because I still needed to pickup my guitar. I lead worship tonight. I like to spend some time going through and playing songs to make sure I can. I should practice often but I don’t. I also like to have some idea what I’m going to do. I always ask God. Most of the time He gives me some ideas. But today I only got two songs and they were in different keys. I wasn’t sure how I was going to pull that off nor did I know what else we were going to do. I know I can pick any song and they would all bring glory to Him but I always, you know, want to “get it right”. I just want the people to be able to enter into worship. Truth is I don’t have any control over that. It’s about the peoples' hearts and it’s about me worshiping in the midst as well. Being sensitive to what God wants to do through music. Well, things turned out just fine. As they usually do. God came through, the people worshiped and I don’t have to do it again for a month. One of these days I hope I get to the point I enjoy doing this. I would like to enjoy it if this is what He’s called me to do. Don’t misunderstand me. I love to worship. I love singing to Him and playing an instrument but leading worship is a whole other thing. The songs are getting increasingly difficult to play…I’m not all that good a guitarist…in fact I wouldn’t call myself a guitarist I call myself “someone who plays guitar”. I’m also not all that good a piano player either. Right now we have so many playing piano or keyboard, I have stepped down from playing piano on the team. Leading a team of people is also not very easy. Trying to communicate what you want to do when you're using both hands is hard for me. I don’t know why I got off on all that.

Doyle had to do his weird shift today. He went in at 7pm and will work until Thursday 7pm. Then he turns around and works Friday 7AM-Sat. 7AM. After that he should be on his usual work 24 hrs off 48 hrs.

 

Excerpt from my journal September 2003

You worry to much. You so want to "get it right". I really like that about you when you keep submitted before Me. A spirit of excellence I have put in you. But when you try to accomplish that on your own it becomes a form of "perfection" which you can never accomplish but that is an area where the enemy dangles the bait and sometimes you take it. You are learning his schemes though. The closer you get to Me the better your discernment of when the lie comes. You are more sensitive to My Spirit than you are aware of. Where do you think your ideas and desires come from?

 

Just remember to keep seeking Me. Don't worry about what you don't know. I'll give you what you need when you need it. Just submit yourself to Me.

 

By the way, have I told you lately that I love you!

 

do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hours what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you. Matthew 10:19-20 NKJV

Tuesday September 13, 2005

Didn’t ride my bike to work today. Had too many errands to run. Not that I can’t do it on my bike…it just takes more time. I also wanted to bring home my guitar from church so get ready to lead worship Wednesday night. After work I went to the Super Center to get a tube for my bike (I’ve been riding Vanessa’s because I had a flat). Stopped in at CVS to buy some magnetic picture frames…Walmart didn’t have any (go figure!). I have some pictures from rodeo I’ve been meaning to give to a friend and am just now getting around to it! When I got to CVS I discovered that I left my checkbook at Walmart! Well, I nearly panicked!! One because I thought I left it at the self check out and two because it has my driver’s license in it!! I go back to Walmart and there it was, right where I left it! Thank you Lord!!! I then went home.

I rode my bike about 3:30pm as I didn’t ride it this morning. Gosh it’s hot again today! Nearly 100! It was so nice yesterday upper 80’s and overcast off and on. Should have went to ride…oh well…I didn’t because I knew I had to work at Drive Safe and didn’t really have enough time. I’ll be so glad when it’s cooler and I can ride more! I’ve ridden maybe three times since I got the horses shod and it’s time again to call the farrier! I did bring home my saddle to clean and oil as the leather is squeaking because it’s so dry. I keep my tack in the tack room of my horse trailer and the heat we have isn’t good on leather! I haven’t had a chance to do it yet. So many things to do so little time to get it all done!!

I have leadership meeting tonight at our Pastor’s home. We meet once a month. I really look forward to these as they feed us dinner. Pastor’s wife is a very good cook. We’ve had anything from steak/baked potatoes, to sandwiches. Even sandwiches are good because she buys all kinds of meats, cheeses and breads. It’s not just a sandwich it’s like going to the deli and making your own. Really good!! Then we talk about what’s going on in our lives, our cell groups, things going on in the church. This is where the pastor and his wife give us vision, direction. We pray together about things regarding the church and they pray for us individually. Sometimes we even spend sometime in worship together. We meet at their house at 7PM and leave anywhere from 11PM or 12AM depending on how much we need to talk or pray. I told you all that to say I probably won’t be on later….it all depends on when I get home.

Excerpt from my journal May 2003

I was reading in Matthew today. I though this would be a good place since this is the book that our pastor’s wife is teaching on Wednesday nights. We’re going to be in chapter 5 so that’s where I was reading. The beatitudes.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

The footnotes in my Bible (Spirit-Filled Life Bible NKJV) says that “poor in spirit” are those who recognize their spiritual poverty and cast aside all self-dependence, seek God’s grace.

Father, am I “poor in spirit”? I don’t always cast aside all self-dependence. There are times I still try to “do it myself”. I want to be totally dependent on You.

Let me be the judge of your character. Your vision is impaired. Besides it’s not your job. It’s Mine. I am the Judge- not you.

Okay, so….am I “poor in spirit”?

Yes and no. But do not despair because I am at work in you! I am doing the work. Even when you don’t “see anything” I am still at work on your behalf and I will complete what I’ve started. Don’t look at “the time”. Fix your eyes on Me. Have I ever lied to you?

No

And I never will. If I said it…I will do it!

 

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be filled.

 

Am I really hungering and thirsting for righteousness?

 

Of course you are! Would you be so concerned with your spiritual growth if you weren’t?

 

I guess not.

 

That’s right you wouldn’t. You are no fake or phoney and you don’t like playing games - almost to a fault. What I mean is sometimes you are just “too serious”. Lighten up on yourself. I’m not making any demands on you. You don’t make any demands on you either. Trust Me Daughter. Just trust Me.

 

Oh, Daddy. I want too wholeheartedly, I want to trust You.

 

I know you do and that desire brings me such joy! I’m working that in you. You do trust more than you used to. Until there is a test its hard to measure the growth of your trust.

 

Does that mean a “test” is coming?

 

Why do you worry so? Just the mention of a test makes you tense and fearful.

 

Yes it does. Because I want to do well. I don’t want to fail.

 

You’re looking at it all wrong. Don’t think of it as a test. Think of it as “practice”! You can’t get better at something unless you practice. When you practice it isn’t failing. You just keep practicing until you make fewer mistakes and get better at what you’re practicing.

 

That’s good Daddy. I like that idea better. OK I’ll try to think of it as “practice”.

 

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. It is becaus of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God - that is, our redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord. 1 Corinthians 1:27-31 NIV

Hope everyone has a great evening!

 

Monday September 12, 2005

Our church will be having Presbytery Services October 2^nd and 3^rd. Doyle and I have been invited to be candidates. For those who do not know a presbytery is when seasoned prophetic ministers speak over your life. This is where 2 or 3 elder type prophets from other congregations come to lay hands on you and to allow God’s word to be spoken over you for encouragement, exhortation and direction. This word presbytery is found in scripture in 1 Timothy 4:14 Do not neglect the spiritual gift within you, which was bestowed on you through prophetic utterance with the laying on of hands by the presbytery. (New American Standard Bible) Hence where the term came from.

There are several candidates. I happen to know who all of them are since I mailed out the letter. There are seven couples and two individuals. Doyle and I participated in one in 1998. We are very ready to do this again as we are anxious to know the direction God would have us take in this phase of our life. We are being asked to commit to spending time with God in addition to what we are already doing to ask Him to prepare us. We are also being asked to commit to fasting one meal a day or portions of a meal a day for the next three weeks. I could really use ya’lls prayers as I don’t do well with fasting. I love to eat and it’s difficult for me to go without. I know I can do it…but not without God’s help! I want to be obedient in this area. And this isn’t even a hard fast! It’s not like the pastor is asking me to fast everything!

 

Excerpt from my journal September 2001

 

Am I doing what I’m supposed to be? Am I where I’m supposed to be? I’m 41 yrs old. My life in earthly terms is half over! What should my goals be? I’m not good at setting goals. I’ve heard it said that without goals you go nowhere. Is that what’s happening to me? There has to be more than this. There has to be. Is this all there is?

 

You try too hard. I like that you pursue excellence but sometimes you are over zealous in your pursuit. In your over zealousness you lose perspective and begin to think the excellence is up to you. The excellence is up to Me through you. It is Me in you who is mighty. It is the Me in you who is the overcomer. It is Me in you not you. Being led by the Spirit is like learning to use the current and the wind. You go with it not against it. You use it to get where I need you to be.

 

Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. John 15:4-5 NKJV

 

Had to work at Drive Safe tonight. I called Doyle when I got home since I have to drive across the river. He told me he thought he’d be home in the morning. I said “what do you mean you THINK you’ll be home.” He said that there wasn’t anyone to work at the other station tomorrow. That shift will be two people short! He did go on to say he wasn’t going to work it. I said that’s good. You don’t need to! I just don’t want something really serious to happen to get the higher ups attention to this on going problem! This is the week that he changes shifts and they have him working a weird shift.  Tomorrow night he has to go in for mandatory training from 6pm to 9pm.  Then he’s supposed to go in to work a 24 hr shift starting at 7PM instead of the usual 7AM.  So he will work Wed. 7PM until Thursday 7PM. Then he’s off until he starts his new shift which is Friday at 7AM! His butt is already dragging from the two extra shifts he worked this past week. Well, enough of that. Ya’ll know how I feel. I should be taking my complaint to Father God and letting Him deal with this instead of just complaining! That’s a novel thought! Wow, casting my care! What an excellent idea!

 

…casting all your care on Him for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 NKJV

 

Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22 NKJV

 

Good night everyone!

Sunday September 11, 2005

 

Doyle and Valerie Light

United in marriage

September 11, 1987

Happy Anniversary!

Yep 18 yrs ago today! Wow! Doesn’t seem possible!

I'll try to post more a little later this evening. I'm hoping we go out to dinner to the Salt Grass Restaurant in Fort Worth. 

I went and picked up Doyle this morning from work since my sister-in-law had my truck.He came home and promptly went to bed.

Went to church. Lots of people were out today as well. Don’t know why attendance was down. We didn’t have any visitors either. I understood last week with the holiday weekend. Worship was still good. It will always be good no matter how many we have if we all join together to seek Him. After services I didn’t stay long to visit as I knew my sister-in-law would be waiting for us to come home. I fixed lunch. Just plain spaghetti. I’m not a gourmet cook.  I just use a package mix and add tomato paste to make my sauce. Of course add garlic toast and salad.

It was our group’s turn to pack food bags at the Helping Hands Ministry at 3pm so I didn’t get to watch the first half of the game today. Did see the last half and was glad I did!

Nope didn’t get to go to Salt Grass in Fort Worth. It’s a Steak House if any of you don’t know. Our cell group members gave Doyle and I a gift certificate from there for Christmas. We have yet to use it and it’s almost Christmas again! We rarely go to Fort Worth which is the closest one and that’s 45 miles away. I figured our anniversary was a good time to do that. Guess we’ll just have to do it some other time. Hopefully before December!

Excerpt from my journal June 2001

 

Oh, My Child. It grieves Me to see you struggle so. Rest in Me. Rest on Me. Let Me be your peace. Cease your striving. Cease your doing. Come away to Me. Let Me restore you. Let Me fill you. The worry has been so deep you haven’t even been aware that’s what is eating at you. You’re so afraid you’re going to miss it. You’re so afraid you will miss Me. I want to assure you right now you are not nor will you miss My appearing. I know you have been disappointed. I know you have quit expecting because you didn’t believe that you could handle anymore disappointment. This has been test for you. I know you think you failed but you haven’t. I’ve been building a foundation in you that will never be shaken. I require holiness, purity. I am building a foundation in you that will not be shaken. I am changing your thinking and I am softening your heart. The purification process is on schedule and going as planned. Relax. Rest in Me. All you have to do is come to Me and be honest with Me and yourself. I am pouring out My love. The more love I immerse you in the more the fear must leave. The more love you receive the more worry will be forced out.  Rest My Child, please rest. I will tell you what is required. You have proven yourself to be a diligent worker. Now come be My Daughter. Come let me teach you how to be in My presence how to enjoy sweet fellowship. I will tell you when it’s time to work again. There will be plenty of time for that. Come away Valerie, come away with Me.

Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

Saturday September 10, 2005

Something needs to be done in our local government. My husband (Doyle) is a firefighter/EMT. He has worked for the city 20 years next month. Thanks to a former fire chief we have two fire stations but no more personnel. There are two people that are housed at each station. It is protocol to have two people on an ambulance call. So the station is unmanned when they receive a call. Our department also has part time people who work generally for other departments and come over here on their days off. In addition to that the fire department is assisted by volunteers. I tell you all this because Doyle just got home this morning after working his regular shift yesterday (24 hours). They work 24 hrs and are supposed to be off 48hrs. He was home 2 hours when the fire department called to see if he would come back and work today because they were short handed and couldn’t get anyone else to work! Everyone is so overworked that no one wants to work extra. He already worked an extra shift on Wednesday. It wasn’t a full 24 hrs but he went in at 11am so that’s 20! This is what Doyle worked this week…regular shift Tuesday 7AM. Gets off Wednesday morning 7AM. He goes back in at 11AM and works until Thursday 7AM. Then he goes back Friday at 7AM. Got off at 7AM this morning and 2 hours later went back in to work until Sunday 7AM! He’s check will be nice but I’m concerned about him not getting enough rest and getting burned out. They are allowed to sleep provided they don’t get any calls….which rarely happens! It will be bad next week too as department heads have decided to move Doyle to another shift to even out the number of paramedics and EMT’s. His regular shift next week is Monday 7AM to Tuesday 7AM. Then Tuesday night he has to go to mandatory training from 6:30PM until 9:30PM. Then He goes in Wednesday 7PM until Thursday 7PM and then starts his new shift Friday 7AM-Saturday 7AM.

If ya’ll wouldn’t mind would you pray for him grace and stamina. This job can be very stressful especially in the size town we live in as he runs the risk of picking up someone he knows. He has lived here his entire life and he knows LOTS of people.

We got my sister-in-law off to Austin in my truck after breakfast. Her daughter is the one who stayed with us this summer. She came with her to stay with us while her mom made the trip. She had a fender bender today! Guess this thing is running in the family (I hope not!) This was her first and she was extremely upset.  It did minimal damage to her vehicle I didn’t see the other so don’t know how much it did to the other vehicle.

 Vanessa and Keannon invited me to go to lunch with them. We ate at one of my favorite Mexican food places Pulidos.

Worked tonight at Drive Safe. Was rather slow so got out on time tonight. 

Excerpt from my journal March 2001

 

My Child, I have heard your prayer and am answering. I began to answer even before you formed the words of your request because I saw the desire in your heart and it moved Me.

 

It is still hard for me to accept the fact that what I do moves You. You, Almighty God, creator of the universe are moved by me? I know I still don’t grasp how much You love me. I want to. My prayer is as the scripture says in Ephesians 3 That you would grant me according to the riches of your glory to be strengthened with might through your spirit in the inner man. That Christ would dwell in my heart through faith, that I would be rooted and grounded in love that I may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and heighth that I would know the love of Christ and be filled with all the fullness of You!

 

I am doing that. You aren’t rooted or grounded yet but you are rooting and being grounded. You’re more rooted and grounded than you think. Roots can never get too deep. The deeper they go the more grounded you become and nothing will move you. Keep pursuing to know Me to be with Me and you will know Me more. My fullness is in you. It’s being released like a time release capsule. When it’s time, more is released. I don’t want to overwhelm you or anyone else.

 

Am I really doing what You want. I really feel like a failure.

 

You may fail but I never fail. My strength is made perfect in weakness.

 

Ah, Sovereign Lord, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for You. Jeremiah 32:17 NIV

Friday September 09, 2005

My daughter (Vanessa) is really having a hard time of it. About a week ago someone we know pulled out in front of her from a side street. It didn’t cause major damage. Bent the front bumper, broke the framing for the headlight. It could have been much worse. She was so upset. She just got her truck in July! She didn’t call the police because we know the woman really well and she didn’t want her to get a ticket. Vanessa went to school with her daughter and son. Vanessa goes and gets estimates on her truck. For what seemed like minimal damage is going to cost 1,500 to fix. Well, we get a phone call from the husband. He wants Vanessa to considered getting used parts and letting someone he knows fix it! Vanessa is like “No way!” We of course agreed with her. She takes it in Tuesday to get it fixed. When she arrives the repair guy asks her if she knows this guy. He had already called trying to find a cheaper way to fix her truck! Well, she calls today to see if her truck is ready. It seems that these people are going to file on their insurance after all and her truck has been sitting in the body shop for three days waiting to get approval from the insurance to begin. So she picked it up today until the insurances says it will pay. Later today she was on the way to the bank and was stopped at a traffic light. She saw the light turn green so she proceeded forward but the car in front of her didn’t. Yep, she hit her. The lady was driving a Volvo. The turned onto a side street and stopped. The lady’s kids got out of the car saying “you bad lady. You hit my mommy”. Vanessa gave the lady her information but she was so upset that she didn’t get the other woman’s info before she left. Vanessa was beside herself. She called her dad then she called me. It was obvious she was upset. She asked me where I was. I said “what’s wrong”. She said “I’m okay but I hit a lady and it’s all my fault”. She just boohooed! I asked her where she was and then told her I’d be right there. Doyle told her to call the police. There really isn’t anything that can be done since the police weren’t call initially to make a report. Within 2 hours this lady had already contacted our insurance company and they in turn called Vanessa! She didn’t waste any time. Vanessa said the only thing she could see that happened was there was black on the other car’s bumper from Vanessa’s bumper. The woman is saying it affected her rear door too! I don’t think so. Vanessa would have had to hit her really hard for that to happen. Anyway, our insurance said they would be sending a representative to examine what damage the other car received. Would ya’ll just be praying about this whole situation. This has really been hard on Vanessa.

 I went out to my favorite restaurant to see my friend Nancy. There was a big home football game tonight and I thought it would be slow at the restaurant. Boy was I wrong. They were swamped. I went ahead and ate while I was there but Nancy was way too busy to visit with me so I ate alone (are you feeling sorry for me yet?)! After I get home my sister-in-law shows up around 9pm. She has come to borrow my truck to move her son’s furniture. He’s attending UT in Austin and needs some thing moved out of storage. She will head out tomorrow to Austin (about a 4 hr drive south). Back to Plano (which is 2 hrs from here east). She said she’ll probably bring the truck back on Sunday.

Excerpt from my journal March 2001

 

You are awesome. There is none like You. I’m glad you’re my Dad.

 

And I am pleased to have you as My Daughter. You bring such joy to My heart oh, Precious One.

 

Daddy, You say the sweetest things.

 

Nothing is too good for My Girl! I never say anything but good about you.

 

Thank You, Daddy. I’m trying to grasp that. I do want to know You more. Be more Like You, love like You. I want more, make me more hungry but give me more.

 

More you shall have. You have been persistent. Do not stop. Keep pressing in. The blessing is very near.

 

What blessing? Lots of things are blessings. Do you mean something specific?

 

Yes. Exceedingly abundantly above all that you could ask or think.

 

Are You talking about money or something else?

 

Both.

 

Can I ask when?

 

Soon.

 

Please forgive me but “Your soon” and “my soon” usually mean totally different things.

 

It’s between. It’s a lot closer than you thing. Don’t worry so much about the “when” and focus on Me. Believe Me. Stand on your faith and declare to the enemy what I have promised to you and declare you believe it. Confess it with your mouth. Then you will believe in your heart. That’s how head knowledge becomes heart knowledge.

 

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21