Well, my dad
and his wife got here about 6pm today. They weren’t here long. Since we had
church this evening he went back to my brother’s who lives 15 miles north of
Mineral Wells. He and his wife just moved into their newly built home 8 months
ago. It would be nice if he would be willing to worship with us. He has been
before a couple of times but that was a very long time ago. Ya, know when
you’re the pastor of a Southern Baptist Church it doesn’t suit you well to
attend a church that doesn’t believe doctrinely the same as you. It makes me
sad. He will attend church with my brother who is still attending a
Have any of you ever dealt with issues of control? It is better for me now but I still tend to want to control things somewhat. I am enclosing an excerpt from my journal dated October 1998. Allow God to speak through what He journaled for me.
I got up and was trying to be still before the Lord. I was so still that I dozed off! (that ever happen to anyone!) I decided not to condemn myself. At least I am making an effort and setting aside the time to be with Him. I changed positions (so I might not fall asleep again) Prayed for the services today. Sometime passed and I fell asleep again. This time I had a dream. I was in school. I don’t know what grade maybe 6th, 7th or 8th. It wasn’t high school or elementary. I didn’t know the students so I must have been new. It was Valentine’s Day and I had carefully prepared Valentines and candy or some type of gift for each student. I didn’t know the students very well by name. I remember I had taken great lengths to make sure what card and what gift went to each student. I had left my desk and when I came back I discovered someone had been in my stuff and mixed it up so I couldn’t tell what gift went to what card. I immediately was overwhelmed and burst into tears because the bell rung and I knew I wouldn’t be able to put cards and gifts back together in time to hand out. Then my dream ended. At first I dismissed this dream thinking how silly and why did I dream that. Then knowing I do not normally dream, I decided there must be some spiritual significance. I sensed it has to do with control. Not having control of things and things not going as planned. Lord, I ask You to reveal to me what You are trying to tell me. If this isn’t You then I’ll just forget it but if You’re wanting me to learn something please speak to me.
There are still some issues of control in your life Valerie. Some areas you are still trying to control. Your frustration has been because you can’t. Anytime you are feeling frustration it is a control issue. Seek the source of it. Question your frustration. You’re trying to control yourself, your relationship to Doyle, even Me. You are not in control, you will never be in control. You can never control. True freedom, liberty, peace and rest come when you choose to totally abandon yourself to Me. There are times it will seem silly but do it anyway. Make a verbal confession to abandon yourself to Me, make a mental confession to abandon yourself to Me. And this is something in the beginning you will have to do many, many times because this is a deep root. And a lot of times you try to control without even realizing it. You even try to control in your prayers. Let Me teach you how to let go. I know you thought you had let go and you did some, but some is not enough. You can’t straddle on this one. It’s all or nothing. I know your heart is to please Me, My Daughter. I am very pleased. I’m most pleased at your openness, your willingness, your faithfulness to meet with Me even when it seemed to you I wasn’t there. I was there. I‘ve always been there. There is coming a time soon when I will manifest My presence to you. I commend you for choosing to believe Me even when you didn’t see. I know how hard that was. But I was doing a deep work in you, grounding you because if I didn’t you would not be able to handle My manifest presence with maturity. You are real and I am continuing to purify and refine you. Keep doing what you’re doing. Keep seeking Me – remember I AM the rewarder of those who diligently seek Me. You are being diligent. Call to Me and I will tell you great and mighty things which you do not know.
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