Thursday August 11, 2005

I got the idea today that I would post some of my actual journaling. Well, I think it may be God that gave me that idea…He usually does.

Anyway, those of you who have accepted Christ into your heart and life have all struggled with “hearing the voice of God”. Even I still struggle at times. Not so much if I’m hearing Him now but wandering if it’s Him I’m hearing. Hope that makes sense.

I’ve journaled off and on for about 17 years on a consistent basis. In the beginning it was just a way for me to vent. The longer I went the  more I realized I was recording history and my walk with God. I strongly encourage any of you who don’t journal to do so. You leave a legacy behind to your children and other generations that is in writing.

 I’ve told you before that I was raised in the Southern Baptist Church. I responded to an altar call for salvation at a camp when I was either 8 or 9. I remember going forward but don’t remember much else. I do recall being baptized but that’s about it. The enemy use to harass me relentlessly as I got older about whether I ever really accepted Christ then. So when I was 15, I settled the issue once and for all. I ask Jesus into my heart and meant it with everything in me. There was a radical change in me. I was hungry for the word of God and wanted to tell people about Jesus. I’m not sure what happened…life I guess but my love for Him began to grow cold. I was hurt by life and it seemed to me He wasn’t there and decided to do things my own way. (Not a good idea by the way – in case any of you were wondering). Was moved to another school my Senior year, got married at 21, got pregnant at 24, had a baby and got divorced at 25. Remarried at 27. My life was a mess and I was miserable but it wasn’t until I was 30 that I got miserable enough to really cry out to God. Now I did cry out to God during all those times but when things got better, just like the Israelites I soon forgot God and went back to old ways. When I was 30 God divinely had me cross paths with a woman who became my best friend (an answer to my mother’s prayers by the way). This woman had life, obviously loved the Lord and devoted her life to following Him. I wanted to know where she went to church because the church’s I had been to didn’t have any people like that I could remember. That’s when I was introduced to Well of Life Church. April 1990. It was here that I began the most interesting journey of my life….learning to walk with and talk with the God of the universe! Every service I went to He used the music and messages to pierce my heart. I began to pray that God would make the songs I was singing come true. And you know what He did! He made me fall in love with Him! Made me want Him. He created a “God chaser”. I have been forever marked and will never be the same. Do I still have difficult times….(if you’ve read previous posts then you know the answer to that is) YES! But I know where I have come from and I have no desire to go back there. I’ve tasted and seen that the Lord is Good and I know there is more and I WANT IT! My prayer is that you want it to! A real relationship with the one true living God is possible! He really does talk to us! He really does love us! He really does want relationship with us! He wants to be our “Daddy God”. It took me a long time before I could call God “Daddy” but I do now!

 This ended up being longer than I intended. Here’s the part I really wanted to post. This is an excerpt out of my personal journal and I’m giving you a glimpse into mine and “Daddy’s” relationship, one that is possible for you!

October 12, 1998

            Good morning Daddy

 

            Good morning My Child.

 

            What would you like to talk about?

 

            Oh, I think I’d rather just be with you.

 

            I might fall asleep if I’m not talking (does this ever happen to you?!)

That’s okay. I enjoy watching you sleep too. I just want to hold you in My arms. Look down at your face. Just being near you brings Me sheer delight.

            I love you Daddy

 I love you too My Child. Oh, Valerie, I love you so much. If you could only see the way I see you. I am working on that. Stay open before Me. Keep coming to Me. Let Me do the work and just worship Me. You really have come a long ways. I am very pleased.
Oh, Daddy, You are simply amazing.  You truly are an awesome God! I get so frustrated at times for the lack of words. I feel like I say things over and over. I know I have only touched the surface of knowing You. I want to know You more, I want to love You more. I don’t want to just sing songs, I want to experience You the way the song writers have.

Be patient My Child. I have heard your questions. I have seen Your heart. I want to do this in You even more than You desire it. Remember, I began the work and I am faithful and just to complete that work for My good pleasure, satisfaction and delight.

Hope this encourages you to enter the race of faith if you haven’t and encourages you to continue on if you have.

 

Grace and peace to you