Thursday, 28 July 200

Gosh I spent so much time telling about my trip that now I don't know what to talk about. Well that's not really true. I'm going to get real here and I hope ya'll don't mind. I've been very stressed ever since we got back from our trip. I don't know if it's real pressure or pressure I have put on myself unnecessarily. Knowing my personality and how "responsible" I am it's probably more me. But then again it may be God. I was telling someone the other day that blogging is beginning to consume my time and I think God is jealous. How many of you know that our God is a jealous God and He doesn't want to share us with anyone or anything else. Not that we can't do other things or have relationships but they shouldn't take precedence over our time with Him. Unfortunately, and I hate to admit this, but blogging has gotten more attention than Him. It wasn't my intention. Actually I have been struggling in my relationship with God for sometime now. Now ya'll might find that statement strange. Let me explain. It's not that I question my salvation or whether or not to follow Him. Those issues are settled. I've been struggling with being aware of His presence when I do take time to be quiet before Him or read His word. Last Sunday was the first in a long time that I "knew" He was there! I miss His still small voice. I miss the way we used to spend time together when I would worship at home on my piano or guitar. I miss the way He used to give me melodies to sing His word to. I'm not sure what changed and because He's perfect I know it wasn't Him. I still love Him but I want to love Him more. That I am so focused on Him that He is all I see. That I don't get so easily distracted by the things of this world. That everyone I talk to would know that like the disciples they would say "she's been with Jesus". One of the songs we sing that is the cry of my heart is called True Intimacy

With all of my heart, I hunger for You
All I want and all I need is true intimacy with You

Here I stand waiting Lord, touch me now like never before
Let me change, be transformed, true intimacy is what I'm longing for

Intimacy is the longing of my heart Lord of this heart

Another song we sing is called Passion for Jesus

I'm calling out to you, there must be something more
Some deeper place to find some secret place to hide
where I've not gone before

Where my soul is satisfied and my sin is put to death
And I have made the choice to listen for Your voice
as natural as a breath

The love I knew before when You first touched my life
I need You to restore...I want You to revive..

Oh, place in my heart a passion for Jesus
A hunger that seizes my passion for You
My one desire my greatest possession
My only confession my passion for You.

Light the Fire Again

Don't let my love grow cold
I'm calling out light the fire again
Don't let my vision die
I'm calling out light the fire again

You know my heart my deeds
I'm calling out light the fire again
I need Your discipline
I'm calling out light the fire again

I am here to buy gold refined in the fire
Naked and poor wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white, so I won't be ashamed
Lord, light the fire again.

One thing I do know that "He who began a good work in me will complete it."

I am still doing the Beth Moore Study "Believing God". This is an awesome study. Everyone should do it. I'm am being made aware of how little I really believed God. It's more than believing in Him it's believing Him. Who He says He is and that He can do what He says He can do. Believing that I am who He says I am.

Yes, Lord I want to believe You...help my unbelief!