I didn’t mean to alarm anyone. I’ve been busy and just wasn’t in the mood to post. I guess the “new” is finally wearing off. It just seemed to be one thing I could stand to not do.
Saturday was the baby shower for the daughter-in-law of one of my cell members. It started at 10AM but had to be there at 8:30AM to help set up and decorate. (YUCK)! I was reminded again how much I dislike these functions. We got everything cleaned up and was out of there by noon. I went home and changed clothes. Sat for a few minutes then I was off to load horses. The Vet that I use was holding a vaccination clinic. They have 2 a year. Saves me money. This time I took not only took mine but the horse that belongs to the people whose land my horses stay on. The clinic was from 2-4pm. I also took the dogs. I got back from there about 4:30pm.
Our cell group bought Doyle and I a gift certificate to Salt Grass, a very nice steak restaurant in Fort Worth, for Christmas last year. We hadn’t used it yet mostly because we never go to Fort Worth. I tried a couple of times earlier in the year to get him to go but couldn’t get it to come together. Finally the other night we were talking and I brought it up again. After the busy day I had Saturday I thought it might be a good idea to go and then I wouldn’t have to cook Saturday night. So about 5:30 we head to Fort Worth (which is about an hour’s drive for us). We ate until we were miserable. We didn’t get an appetizer but we did order dessert. I was so miserable I had to unzip my pants on the way home!
Sunday was typical. Services that morning. Came home and made lunch. Watched the Cowboys win, slept and then got ready for cell group. We met at the church to pray.
Not much happening today either. Cramping today (UGH!) Came home and took some naproxen and laid on the couch for about an hour. Made myself get up and change clothes to go walk. Fall went away around here. It was 95 today! Before I get back from my walk Vanessa called me. She needed me to bring her a change of shorts. So I catch my breath and jump on my bike and ride to the store. (It’s only a mile from our house). So I walked two miles and rode my bike two miles.
I almost forgot. I have good news! Dad’s surgery to re-attach his small intestine so he can get rid of the colostomy is scheduled for November 1st. The doctor is planning to try to do the surgery laparoscopically (small incision) if possible so that will make recovery time less. He is doing very well and is already back to preaching and working in the field. The “bag” is just an inconvenience.
I have a night at home WOOHOO! So will enjoy not having to be somewhere!
Excerpt from my journal March 2003
I began to realize as I was ironing today that I’m seeking “something”. And it won’t be found in any thing on this earth. Only Jesus can satisfy what my soul is longing for yet I turn to everything but Him. Why? Father, let nothing in this world take the place of my drawing near to You. May my desire to be with You in the secret place be greater than anything this world has to offer. May I desire You more than anything.
That is My desire for you too! And I am working on that.
Why don’t I just come away to be with You?
Because you are afraid, Little One.
Afraid of what? What’s there to be afraid of?
Me
Why am I afraid of You. I’m not scared of You. You’re my Dad. I know You love me.
Yes, you know I love you. You also know because I love you I will not always let you do or have the things you want.
Well, yeah. I know that. I know You want the best for me. You want me to succeed, grow and mature.
Yes, but that requires time spent with Me and you’re afraid to.
I think I know where You’re going with this. It’s my expectations isn’t it?
Yes. Instead of coming with an open heart and mind, you come with your own agenda. Your expectations of how I should meet with you or speak to you. You’re afraid of what I will tell you. When did you cease to trust Me so much?
Oh, Daddy. I didn’t realize I had. But you’re right. I’ve worried about a lot of stuff and it’s just too big for me.
Yes, it is. I never gave it to you. I’m your Father. It’s the father’s job to care for all these things. All you have to do is be My Child. Just come talk to Me. Tell Me what’s on your heart. Give Me those things you are worried about. I’ll take care of them. Haven’t I promised you I would?
Yes, You have.
And have I ever lied to you?
No. Not once.
Come to Me honey. Sing your songs to me. I love to hear you sing. It brings me great delight and tremendous pleasure. Come sit with Me while your horses eat. Watch a sunset with Me. Watch the storm clouds. Don’t be afraid of My “no”. You also don’t come because of what you think I’m going to say. Don’t fear what I have to say to you. My words are like honey on your lips and I know you like honey! My Spirit is like water to your soul. There’s so much I want to tell you for you personally and for the church. Come Little One, fear no more. I will pour out My love into your heart until fear has no place to be. But for Me to do that you have to come, on your own. I will meet you but I must see you coming to Me. I will not come uninvited.
Yes, Daddy, I will come. I will try to leave my agenda behind and my expectations.
Now don’t misunderstand Me. I want you to expect. Expect Me to meet you whether you “feel Me” or not or I speak or not. Expect Me to love you. Expect Me to fill you with My love, Spirit and power. Expect Me to reveal My heart to you. Expect Me to show you and tell you My plans. Expect Daughter of the Lord.
I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yes, our God is merciful.
Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
What shall I render to the Lord for all His benefits toward me? I will take up the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord. I will pay my vows to the Lord now in the presence of all His people. Psalm 116:1-2,5,7,12-13 NKJV
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