January 7, 2012

January 7, 2012

Christmas was a blur and New Year's passed me by while I watched helplessly unable to do anything to stop it. 

Maybe it's just the age I am or the circumstances I find myself in. I don't really know. I did enjoy the holidays but it just didn't seem to last long enough for me. 

One of my friends from church who was praying for me the other day shared a picture that God gave her for me. 

She said there were certain individuals in my life (whose identities will remain anonymous - although if you are really close to me you will figure out who they are.)

They were riding horses and I was being drug behind by a rope and these individuals were totally oblivious to what was happening to me nor could I do anything about what was happening. I was one beat up bloody mess! She went on to say that's what my emotions were like right now. Wow! I didn't realize I was that bad off! 

I was encouraged to keep pressing into Abba. I still after all these years of pursuing God deal with performance issues and resting in the knowledge that I am loved by Him. I know it intellectually but I want to experience it tangibly. I have in some ways over the years but it only seems like "snippets" and not much consistency. It is so hard for me not to compare myself or my experiences to others. I also feel as though there are some who have passed me by spiritually. Of course, I am smart enough to know that feelings are just that...feelings and are not the truth but it's still hard to not let feelings reign sometimes. 

I was going to start off the year with journaling everyday. Hmmm...It's already 7 days into the New Year and I've journaled once. Well, its still early. Some is better than none right?!